In the center of the broken-heart city
A radiant woman of the night comes to be.
Out of the mist of the complex "red light" District
there comes a femme fatale mystic.
she sings a song that make song firds fall out of the sky asleep
her dance is only comprehensible by the men worthy of being cradled in her bosom deep.
she comes to the man as beautiful as a dream
caoxes his heart to reveal itself
in order to see if the love coming from his words is what it truly means.
she taketh not money
in order to satisfy the carnal.
giveth only inspiration
to love eternal.
her body is strong, smooth and grand
her spirit is ablaze and electrifies her avery action
from the shake of her hip to to the stroke of her hand.
she will lift the heartbroken up
tearing off every saddened teather
lay him down gently as a feather
bloom unto him the wild heavens in the earthly act,
and then sing him awake to the most beautiul scene of Dawn
in which he'll want stay forever.
Then the hands of time will seem to turn back,
wiping away the mere fact
of the heavenly earth act.
the man will not remember Terra-Flemme Belle you see
but he'll know th the I love you's in his heart mean what they're supposed to be.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey,Monument, I'm des.
This piece was good!
The idea or concept of your poem is understandable. But to me--in some cases-- it was a bit loose.
In the first line there could've been a hyphen between ''broken'' and ''hearted'' so it could be one word.
Although it's a great poem, I don't agree with the structure. Words were missing and it needed to be carefully punctuated also. When it is done so, though, it makes for better a read.
I know you are a good writer, so I know that you can give us something more. Am I right?
I'm really sorry if I came off cold. That was never my intention
Anyway, keep writing, ok